Au Pair Girls (1972)

This is, by far, the fanciest art movie I've ever seen. The international cast includes British India born Gabrielle Drake, German actress Astrid Frank as well as Lars Von Trier vet Me Me Lay, plus it's directed by British Hammer films auteur Val Guest. I didn't know a thing about this movie when it started, but I could tell it was British before anyone opened their mouths. I don't know, I guess it just comes with seeing too many Benny Hill episodes. This movie takes the Altman approach of interweaving multiple storylines and characters. Four girls from Germany, Japan, Denmark, Sweden all arrive in swinging 1972 London to become Au Pairs (which, I'm told, are supposed to be babysitters or something). They all do their best to ruin the reputations of their homelands by walking around naked in front of old people and strangers.

The German girl, it turns out, is a virgin and the British girl she's staying with finds this out and takes her shopping for slut threads and introduces her to a man known as the "Jack the Ripper of the teeny bopper set." She is told to "leave her boots on" when British rockstar Ricky Strange gives her hymen the heave-ho. By the by, Ricky Strange stuffs his pants and the camera lingers on his jumbled up crotch.

Me Me Lay is supposed to take care of a concert pianist who is the same age as she is. You have to wonder at the motivations of his parents. Turns out she has a very hairy beaver.

The girl from Denmark winds up with a girl who makes Austin Powers look as conservative as an episode of Mad Men. He has trouble keeping his job even though his dad is his boss. His main problem is his overactive imagination- he pictures every woman he encounters buck naked. The car breaks down and they pork in a haystack.

The Swedish girl is absolutely insane. She takes her clothes off and dances around in front of an elderly couple. She winds up at an oil shiek's sex pad after gambling away a cab driver's tip money.

There are no babies or children in this film.